The ready meal option

Scales are weird. A sneaky look this morning after an extremely indulgent weekend has the numbers showing down on where I was after last week’s second fast. I’m not arguing with it. I did weigh myself three times just to be sure…

Now that I’m getting back into the habit of regular fasting, I’m following the pattern I found worked well previously, of not eating at all during the day and then having a 400 – 500 cal meal in the evening. On days when I’m working in London, particularly if the kids are home and I’m not eating until late and exhausted, a ready meal is a great option. The advantages are that they are calorie counted, nutritionally balanced and super quick to heat.

I’m rather sad to see that WeightWatchers appear to have discontinued their “Steam and Serve” frozen meals, which were a regular standby and super cheap. I will have to instead stock up on some Cook! “OMG pots”. These are absolutely delicious with over a dozen varieties to choose from. They freeze and reheat from frozen perfectly so great to have on hand in the freezer. At around £4 per meal, they are not cheap but so yummy I think they are worth it.

http://www.cookfood.net/menu/ranges/omg-range

My other standby is Marks and Spencers, as there is one at the station I commute from so I can pick something up on the way home. Most of these don’t freeze, so have to be bought and eaten within a day or two. I like their “Balanced for You” range which are high in protein and fill you up nicely.

http://health.marksandspencer.com/our-health-ranges/balanced-for-you

I’ve recently had the opportunity to try some meals from the Fast Diet Kitchen range. These are long-life ready meals that can be kept in the cupboard, designed for you to eat two a day – usually a soup and a main meal. They cost between £4.75 and £6 per day, depending on how many you buy at one time. I’m not sure what the real connection between this supplier and Michael Mosley is, but their website states:

Our soups and main meals are there to support those who read the book and follow the advice given by Dr Michael Mosley and Mimi Spencer, and we believe this is reflected in the seamless branding and messages across the two sites and extends to a collaborative approach on our social media outlets.

http://www.fastdietkitchen.co.uk/our-story/

I can see the attraction, it’s all counted and balanced and easily stored without freezing or refrigeration. However, the two I have tried so far were very disappointing. I’ve had the Butternut Risotto – couldn’t taste any butternut, very bland and no texture – and the Moroccan Meatballs – slightly better but still kind of sloppy. Not a patch on the OMG pots from Cook. These will stay in the cupboard and no doubt get used in emergencies, but if I’m only going to eat one thing on a fast day I want it to be something delicious, and these just don’t live up to that standard. If they really are recommended by Mr. Mosley and his team, he needs to rethink his endorsement!

On next week's blog, super quick tasty low carb replacements for rice and pasta. I'm on a mission!

Is there anybody out there?

Hello?

*tap tap*

Is this working?

It’s been a while…

This time a year ago I was at my lowest weight in I don’t know how long. The intervening 12 months have been pretty full on, and fasting was not a priority. In fact, most of the time it wasn’t even on the To Do List. The last time I posted here, in September, I had regained around 5kg (9lb) of the 13kg (28lb) I had lost.

I’d spent most of the summer of 2014 incapacitated after the surgery on my ankle, having just moved house. I was just getting back on my feet (quite literally) when I found out I was having to up my hours and responsibilities at work, with a corresponding increase in stress. By the time I got to January I was in pure survival mode, getting though one day at a time, battling depression and anxiety as I went along.

My last crazy work day was Thursday 16 April, when the big project completed and my life could start returning to something approaching normal. On Monday 20 April I stepped on the scales, and I wished I hadn’t. Not only had I regained all the weight I had lost before, I’d added another 7lbs for good measure. That would explain the constant pain in my knees, as my poor joints struggled to support my increased weight.

I was faced with a horribly familiar decision. I could accept where I was and learn to live with it, I could try alternative methods to lose weight, or I could start 5:2 again. Having failed to keep off what I had lost on 5:2, I didn’t exactly feel like a poster child for its success. My few attempts at fasting over the previous 6 months had been abject failures, resulting in nausea, panic attacks and tears.

But somehow, having survived the insanity of work, the decision didn’t seem so tricky after all. I didn’t eat that day, and completed a second fast later that week, while in the office. I was craving sugar and having to stop myself picking at food that had easily re-established itself as habit, but I wasn’t that hungry, I wasn’t feeling sick, and I was feeling so much happier.

That was 3 weeks ago. I didn’t fast last week due to a number of social engagements, but I got back on track with a full fast yesterday, which was even easier than before. I reckon I’ve dumped the extra 7 lbs by now, and my knees are already thanking me. Just another 28 to go… it’s hard not to be disappointed about having to go over the same ground again but it would be worse to let things go the other way.

So here I am again, onwards and downwards.

Internal dialogue for a fast day

Wake up in the morning, bleary, not really awake, have to get up, don't want to get up, what shall I have for breakfast, oh damn not having breakfast today...

Give kids breakfast. Try not to think about what they are eating. Oh look there's the cake that was made yesterday, I'll have a bit of that later, oh no I won't. Damn. 

Put pot of coffee on. Take kids to school. Mums in the playground ask me to join them for coffee at Starbucks. Lovely. Meet them there later. They are eating bacon sandwiches. Damn. Black coffee......

Work work work emails phone calls work what shall I have for lunch, oh damn not having lunch today... More coffee...

If I eat the inside of my own mouth do I have to count the calories?

It's lunchtime, half the day gone, don't think about lunch, don't think about food...

OK. Think about food. Think about it properly. I'm not actually that hungry. My tummy is not feeling hollow, I'm not dizzy or nauseous, I'm perfectly fine to not eat anything. I just WANT to eat, I want the sensation of food in my mouth, I want the flavour, the chewing, the swallowing...

Oh look there's the box of chocolates I was given last week no No NO NOOOO!!!!!

Quick trip out to physiotherapy, oh look there's that lovely deli with all the delicious food - WALK. AWAY. NOW.

Back home more work, emails, conference calls. Nope, can't stand it any longer, I have to eat. Microwave an instant meal. Tastes like food of the gods. Take half an hour to eat it, making every mouthful last as long as humanly possible.

A respite of an hour or so when I don't think about food every minute. Fetch kids from after-school club. Feed them. Feed boyfriend. Don't inhale, don't smell the food, there are probably calories in the vapours. Don't look at the bottle of wine chilling in the fridge. Don't even think about the slice of pizza the kids didn't eat. Oh look another utterly delicious ready meal. I really ought to plan some better food. 

Wrestle kids to bed. Watch TV. Ignore tummy rumbling. NOW it rumbles. I've eaten already, dammit! Don't think about cheese. Crap I just thought about cheese. How many calories in one slice? Walk away from the fridge. Is it bed time yet? Is it tomorrow yet?

A note on depression

There have been a lot of articles on the web about depression recently, in the aftermath of Robin Williams’ tragic death. I hope that some people have gained some understanding and empathy as a result. Depression is a difficult disease to understand even if you are living with it; almost impossible if you have no experience of it. I have lived with it for most of my life, and I still learned new things from reading the many comments and notes.

The timeliest reminder for me from all the information is that there is no cure. Some people do recover from depressive episodes, but for the vast majority of sufferers it is a chronic illness. The symptoms can be relieved, and it is very possible to learn to cope and live a joyful life despite it, but it never actually goes away. It has to be vigilantly managed.

I am one of the lucky ones. My depression is well controlled with medication. This hasn't always been the case. I've tried various drugs over the last 20 odd years, some more effective than others. Some made me very sleepy, others had little to no effect. One had addictive properties that meant if I missed a dose I would get dizzy spells and hand tremors. That was fun to come off. I've also had various courses of talking therapies, most successfully with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I have avoided deep psycho-analysis as I honestly believe that this is a chemical problem; analysing my childhood won’t make it go away. I need practical coping strategies to deal with a biological defect in my brain.

As with so many chronic illnesses, when you have a period of remission, when the symptoms recede, there is a strong temptation to believe that recovery is permanent, and treatment is no longer required. I've repeated this damaging behaviour on many occasions, most recently earlier this year. I had not had any significant symptoms for over a year, I felt happy and content. More importantly, I felt in control. So I stopped taking my meds, truly believing that this time I had actually got better.

I hadn't. I lasted a couple of months before tearfully admitting defeat and starting back on the meds, and mentally kicking myself. There have been so many times when I have explained to both others and myself that I need to take these drugs for the rest of my life, and that this is ok, and that I have accepted it. Why do I put myself through it? I’m writing this down partly in the hope that next time I have this urge to quit, I remember more clearly why I shouldn't.

I am not yet back to the happy place I was earlier this year. I’m not nearly as bad as I have been in the past, but I've definitely been better. It’s not possible to tell whether this decline in my mood and energy levels would have happened anyway. I've had surgery and I've quit smoking, both of which are big causes of stress. Maybe I would have felt like this anyway, even if I hadn't had the break from medication. What I do know is that it is possible for me to feel better, to feel normal and to take joy in every day. So I will keep taking the pills and doing all the other things that I know help me feel better, and wait.

Further reading

Depressive illness: the curse of the strong

MIND http://www.mind.org.uk/

One year on: gains and losses

In just over a week it will be a year since my first fast day. The good news is that I will finish the year a fair bit lighter than I started it. I'm guessing I will be around the 10% weight loss mark. The not so great news is... that I will be only 10% lighter than when I started, when I had hoped to be a lot further down the line by this time. The reality is that I haven't fasted consistently since around February, so I can't be too surprised. If you don't work the system, it won't work...

I think there is a certain amount of hubris going on here. Looking back at some of my blog posts there was a smugness that my new found way of life was completely bedded in and I simply couldn't imagine going back to a life without regular fasting. Guess what?! Not only not fasting but I have slipped back into lots of old habits involving eating when I'm not hungry, daily wine drinking and excessive sugar consumption.

It's tempting to blame much of this recent behaviour on a combination of quitting smoking and recuperating from my operation. I will certainly admit to feeling very sorry for myself. I've been physically exhausted for a couple of months since the surgery which has made everything seem more difficult. And while giving up smoking has been relatively simple - I switched to an e-cig for a week or so then stopped completely on the day of the op - I do really miss it. 

I feel quite resentful. My little pleasures are being eroded. My daily glass (or three) of wine - can't have that, too many calories, too bad for my health. The cigarette with my coffee - can't have that, terrible for my health and too expensive. The snacks and treats - can't have those, dreadful for my weight. Regular meals? Only on 5 days a week!

What am I left with? Thank goodness for coffee. The theme of the rest of my life appears to be about restriction, abstinence and giving things up. And I DON'T LIKE IT! Apparently this is called getting old. I've taken to posting pictures of my garden plants on Facebook. One of my friends accused me of being middle-aged. It's depressing. Apart from the gardening. I'm proving her right by actually loving that part. Unfortunately I can't go and do a quick spot of pruning whenever I want a smoke.

So where do I go from here? Well apparently I'm not alone in feeling that I'm in a bit of a funk. There are a few others in my wonderful Facebook group of 5:2ers who are struggling too. One of the advantages of 5:2 is that it's a long term, slow burn, chip away at it type of strategy. This is also one of it's downsides - you do have to be committed and just - keep - going.

In an effort to lift the group and in turn be lifted myself, I'm running a summer challenge from next Monday. The idea is to encourage, prod, support and generally inspire those of us in need of getting back on track. Everyone will have slightly different details, but my personal challenges are as follows:

1. Fasting. 2 days a week. Every week. This is something most of the group do anyway but some of us need remedial school...

2. Exercise. I can't do anything terribly aerobic but I need to be rigorous about doing my physio exercise every single day. If I'm signed off to walk during the challenge I will add a 20 minute walk daily.

3. Abstinence. No, not that kind... I'm going to refrain from alcohol on weekdays for the duration, as this will give my health a boost too.

The challenge will run for 4 weeks, after which I'm going on holiday for a week at an all-inclusive resort, so I need me some good habits before then! Participants will be checking in daily and I'll be posting a cheery, uplifting or plain silly song to get us moving. If I have to adjust to cope with getting old then at least I will do it in good company and with a decent soundtrack. Onwards and downwards!

Fasting? What fasting?

Can it really be two months since I last posted here? Apparently so. I'm not exactly sure when the last time I fasted was, but it's been at least a month. My fasting and weight loss journey has definitely hit a few road bumps since getting to that magical 2 stone loss back in February. I went from not being able to imagine not fasting every week, to taking some time out, to trying different methods, to not fasting at all.

I've had a lot going on. As well as the manic work period that lasted from early February to mid April, I moved house at the same time as I had a badly sprained back and was barely able to walk without pain let alone pack or lift any boxes. Most of April was spent recovering from the back injury, trying to get the house straight (the plaster falling off the bedroom walls was a highlight) and preparing for my birthday/housewarming party in early May. I did manage to keep things relatively under control, and despite gaining a few pounds in March, by the end of April I was back at my lowest weight from February.

Having successfully treated my hip issue I needed to do some rehabilitation/strength training for my core muscles to support the newly aligned pelvis. Trouble was, every time I did any balancing exercises on my left ankle, it swelled up like a tennis ball from when I sprained it over two years ago. Frustratingly I had to stop the rehab programme, and in March I got yet another referral to an orthopaedic surgeon. 

Due to all the things going on, I didn't manage to get booked in for the consultation until the start of May. Things moved very quickly after that, with a swift MRI showing flattened and torn tendons, a bunch of scar tissue and a bone cyst on the end of my fibula. Two weeks later I had surgery to correct all this and I'm writing this two weeks further on with my foot in a cast. I've been off work since the surgery and unable to put any weight on that side. The cast is being taken off tomorrow and I will start yet more physio, and hopefully will be able to work from home.

A side effect off all this was that the surgeon required me to stop smoking before the op, so I'm now 25 days smoke free. I used an e-cig for the first week or so but stopped that when I had the op and haven't really needed it. I will keep it handy for when I'm back out in the world.

The upshot of all this is that May was a write-off for fasting. With the giving up smoking I gained a whole load of weight back, and before the op weighed in at 101kg, a gain of nearly 12 pounds, which is really very depressing. I know there have been a lot of distractions and stresses, but part of why I felt that 5:2 was so right for me was that it could fit in around pretty much any activities and life changes. Apparently not - well not for me anyway.

Knowing I would be spending two weeks basically in bed, I've been trying to be very mindful about what I've been eating. The lovely people who got the short straws for looking after me had strict instructions to limit the availability of sugary snacks, so I've had to beg for cake when I wanted it! I also didn't drink any alcohol (well, 2 half glasses of wine over 2 weeks is hardly any!) mostly because getting up to pee is a complete pain! 

When the cast is off tomorrow I'll be able to assess the damage and see what my current challenge is. I know that it's all part of the journey, and that getting my ankle fixed and giving up smoking will set me up for a much healthier future. But it's infuriating to have to repeat the hard work of losing what I already lost once before, and it's hard for me to imagine getting any further than I did before. However I will definitely get back on the fasting train, the question is really when will I be able to start to fit in around my ankle rehab. The sooner the better I guess!

Day something or other: plateaus and body shape

Some lovely new friends were asking about reading my blog yesterday so I thought I'd better write something...

Last weeks renewed fasting efforts paid off with 2 pounds gone, so I'm back at the magical 2 stone loss mark and hoping that another one will give up the fight this week to get me back to where I was before my break. I'm finding the fasting easy at the moment, the hunger is no problem to deal with. This is despite the chaos of the house move, the continuing back pain and currently a sick child at home off school. Non-fast days are another matter, with some of those pesky snacking habits proving harder to ignore after indulging myself on the break. One day at a time...

A couple of thoughts which have come up over on my Facebook group.

Plateaus

As I've mentioned before, I've generally held a very literal view of how weight loss works: energy in (from food) less energy out (from exercise) equals weight loss or gain. Unfortunately our bodies are rather sneaky, and they adjust the efficiency with which energy is used depending on lots of different interrelated factors. Pretty much anyone who has tried to lose weight has experienced the plateau effect - where the diet that once worked beautifully suddenly grinds to a halt. It's very discouraging and frustrating, as there seems to be no logical reason for it, in my literal view anyway.

The following article explains some of the reasons for it, and the ways to defeat it. Part of the reason relates to the fact that your new smaller body needs less food. Yes, the reward for losing weight is having to eat less. How unfair is that? Solutions include altering the diet pattern to nudge the body into a different reaction, adding more exercise, and just sticking with it until you body gets with the program again.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2013/07/29/202655878/how-to-escape-the-diet-plateau

BMI, body shape and weight

We all get rather obsessed with the numbers on the dial, and BMI is still a well used yardstick despite its known flaws. So much is dependent on body frame that comparing numbers with other people often produces surprising results, as this article shows. (The ladies in the picture all weigh exactly the same.)

http://fozmeadows.tumblr.com/post/80930076791/female-bodies-a-weighty-issue

I read a while back about a lady doing 5:2 who was exactly the same height as me, and had gone from a UK size 20-22 (again the same as my starting size) to size 12-14. This was great news and she looked marvelous. The part that did my head in was that her starting weight was a full 2 stone lighter than me. Same height, same size, 2 stone difference in weight. 

I recall being told as a child that I have heavy bones. I'm starting to believe it. It also occurred to me that when I got married over 15 years ago, I wore a size 16 dress and distinctly remember weighing around 12 stone at the time. So I could lose another 3 stones and still only drop one dress size (I'm wearing an 18 now).

Ultimately the focus needs to be on good health. My Facebook team are great at reminding me of this. The numbers are simply a way of measuring progress and keeping me on the right track. At least that's what I keep telling myself :)